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airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

here are some lyrics i thought of while in the shower 5 minutes ago. any suggestions/constructive criticism is appreciated.

lets all go buy hummers
so we can run over one another
and we can watch brother vs brother
in a foreign land

or maybe we can buy some guns
so we can keep out everyone
and when it's said and done
no one's made a (left to) stand

an electric fence around your mind
should be enough to leave behind
the innocence you knew

and all our superstitions
blasting over the television
you believe it so it's true

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help

butcherbird's picture
isn't anything
Jul 2005
9 years ago

The last two stanzas are pretty good. The first two are a little sketchy...kind've pre-adolescent wannabe revolutionary. What kind of music are you putting these to? Sounds like a god fit for some hardcore punk.

I've got style, miles and miles, so much style that it's wasted...

airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

Originally posted by butcherbird
The last two stanzas are pretty good. The first two are a little sketchy...kind've pre-adolescent wannabe revolutionary. What kind of music are you putting these to? Sounds like a god fit for some hardcore punk.

i'm not exactly the hardcore punk type, but definitely something loud and fast and dark. you're right though, the first 2 stanzas kinda suck.

thanks! keep it comin' dudes.

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help

SantaCruzMack's picture
Santa Cruz, Cali
Mar 2004
8 years ago

I like it, Bob Dylan-ish if you're into that stuff

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airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

Originally posted by SantaCruzMack
I like it, Bob Dylan-ish if you're into that stuff

thanks! i've been listening to some Dylan lately, although i wouldn't say i'm "into" it... great lyricist though. :D

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help

shavago's picture
the armpit of Michigan
Dec 2004
6 years ago

I'm picturing a loud, "summer fun" type of song that has lots of melody for the first two stanzas (think Reliant K) and something different for the last two. I like the last two better though. Good lines though, esp for 5-minute writing. Keep up the momentum! :)

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airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

Originally posted by shavago
I'm picturing a loud, "summer fun" type of song that has lots of melody for the first two stanzas (think Reliant K) and something different for the last two.

nailed it! that's exactly what i had in mind. something fountains-of-wayne-ish (utopia parkway) for the first part, and something dissonant/spacy for the others.

thanks! i'll post an update when this sh*tty week is over.

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help

sabbath181's picture
Massachusettes
Aug 2003
10 years ago

yeah im not liking the first two stanzas at all the thirds pritty good and i think the 4th is really good...

im usually the opposite my first thigns will be good and last parts bad...

i thought it seems kind of rage-ish...just becasue its so politcally based...

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airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

Originally posted by sabbath181
yeah im not liking the first two stanzas at all the thirds pritty good and i think the 4th is really good...

im usually the opposite my first thigns will be good and last parts bad...

i thought it seems kind of rage-ish...just becasue its so politcally based...

thanks for the feedback.. i'm working on a few more stanzas and will post when finished. thanks!

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help

SFP's picture
sd, ca
Jun 2005
9 years ago

If you're gonna do something political, at least make it original or from a different stand-point, or using metaphors, or something.

Bought from sleewell: great pedal! Recommended!

airfall's picture
StL | School: Rochester
May 2003
10 years ago

Originally posted by SFP
If you're gonna do something political, at least make it original or from a different stand-point, or using metaphors, or something.

thank you for your incredibly specific, well thought out post. that was very helpful.

derrrr...

carvin ct4m > tu-2 > cp-101 > bud-wah > ds-1(diode mod) > (ononotdon's) french toast > dd-3 > ad-80 > homebuilt fender princeton

wish list: fish n chips, jamman, volume pedal, synth wah

maybe we can help